Love or Syphilis?
Me: “What’s happening with you and what’s her name?”
Him: “Fam.. its peak it’s like I can’t see clearly ..”
Him: “Ever since we started dated.. I think I’m going crazy”
Me: “Why? She’s making you wanna do things you don’t like?”
Him: ”Not even that.. my hairs been falling out lately”
Me: “That could be stress, couple weeks it’ll grow back..”
Me: “ Maybe what? Your talking weird”
Him: “Nah.. its just were doing the ting but not safely..”
Me: “ You MAD!? You don’t want babies”
Him: “Dead dat I really like her but I pull out.. kid’s now’s bit hasty”
Me: “You know you ain’t walking straight?”
Him” I know it happens when I start thinking bout this lady”
Me: “That’s some corny shit”
Him: “You’re just upset; she came along and saved me”
Me: “whatever you say at least I’m not the one going crazy”
Morning/Afternoon/Night, hope you are coping with all your endeavors As contradictory as the title suggests, in the words of the great Kevin Hart; Let me explain..!
We’ve been told that emotions are the opposite of logic, I agree with this statement. However can we not mix the two in alternating concentrations to better relationships? Rhetorical question, Let me give examples in the polar opposites of each category:
Logic: With this new phenomenon of a space entitled “Friendzone” , is where we will find it heavily applies. You like a person and have good chemistry on a fairly decent scale but for reasons trivial or other you keep the individual stagnant, allow no progression, growth or escape in some cases. Guys (myself included) and girls have been guilty for doing this for some time now, in this place logic overruns emotion.
Emotional: We all know of those that have numerous relationships that last about as long as a month and as short as a weekend. But this type of person doesn’t think! They mainly do without regard for consequence or logic.
As assumptive as I can be your probably saying emotions are uncontrollable therefore no logic can enter. To that I say poppycock. Yes, poppycock; from when I can see a picture of a google girl* and want to marry’em, logic slaps me and says what nonsense is that in your chest and loins .. be real. I think most of us hear that voice in our heads and ignore it; emotions like most things in life come at different degrees. I want someone to honestly tell me they don’t hear it and go into a relationship with no reservations. Vice versa for those that think too much, and ignore the small sparks of emotion. Logically we all can discern between what can be and what won’t, at best it’s a guess never a certainty as to who’s best fitted.
Now I want you to take a moment and consider the last relationship you were in that turned sour; were there any signs that were over looked? Look carefully at the scenario. Was you blinded by infatuation and allowed logic to be overrun? Or did you think too logically and cut things off before any feelings could become? Relationships are something I take a keen interest in, I have many a moment to reflect and look at others from the outside in. The point I’m hoping to make without this being too long is we won’t have a successful relationship with another if both our emotions and logic don’t alternate between stages. You have the early stages of getting to know each other from acquaintances>friends>links/seeing them>boy/girlfriend/husband/wife>Unknown. At each one of these stages if you apply too much of either it will be ruined, apply enough of each SUCCESS!
Obviously this isn’t the solution for everyone and I won’t guarantee it 100% because there are still liars, Decepticons* and confused individual’s in existence that no matter how many thoughts and/or theories you can put in practice honesty is vacant in most people.
Google Girls = Ranges from pornstar’s to when you type in key describing words in a search bar
Decepticons = People that transform into something else once your around them long enough
The Water Test (18 +)
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening or Night.. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope you are well.. thanks for clicking into this link. No doubt you’re wondering what the title means, well it’s a technique I devised many years ago and I was thinking this test could help other guys out there preventing the possibility of entrapment.. What you’re about to read is for sexually active people.
IN 4 EASY STEPS!!
Here’s a guide to further insure any mishaps of unplanned pregnancies..
ARE NOT YOUR DOING!!
Ok let us begin.
Step 1: This shouldn’t be too hard to grasp.. you have to have safe vaginal sex. A used condom is needed to carry this test out, which should always be a part of Happy Time*. Once you’ve ejaculated retract in the proper manor.. holding the jim jam* firmly from the base as you exit.
Step 2: After you’ve removed yourself from whatever position you were in, find a place to pull the condom off ensuring there is no snapping* or spillage. Then the slightly tricky part (with all bodily fluids considered) tie a knot into the condom.. almost like a water balloon! Lol. Then put the tied condom in a safe place away from hot surfaces, sharp objects or potential meddlers.
Step 3: The penultimate step is simple enough, when your partner has left or (if you handled your biz properly) fallen asleep.. take the evidence* to a nearby tap, preferably the bathroom as they usually have locks on doors. Untie the condom as gently as you can, if you cause a tear.. then the test is pointless. Once untied “drum roll” APPLY WATER! From the tap obviously, now this is practically identical to how you would make a water bomb. Apply just enough water so that there is pressure built inside.. when satisfied with the amount hold the top of the condom with 1 hand whilst the other dries the outside.
Step 4: Now the easy part.. squeeze the bulging area, be as vigorous as possible so there is definitely no small holes on the condom allowing any life to be released all this being done whilst firmly holding the top. Now if you see or feel any liquid escaping then you my friend have a situation on your hands, drop everything and call her saying she maybe pregnant. However if nothing escapes and all is dry on the outside then you have nothing to worry about!
Rest in the knowledge there was no baby juice entering her birth cave from your yogurt wand.
Jim Jam* evidence*= Condoms
Happy Time*= Sexual intercourse
Snapping*= When you pull a condom off in a certain way the elastic snaps back onto your penis.
1. Stop reading comment sections on articles which you know are only going to make you angry and disappointed in humanity.
2. Stop engaging with said commenters if you do go down and read their Hitler-referencing drivel. Arguing with anonymous trolls will not get you anywhere.
3. Tell people all throughout your life how much they mean to you and how much you love them.
4. Dare to kiss someone first when you want to kiss them, instead of waiting agonizingly for them to make the first move.
5. Start making your own granola when you get a little time to keep in a jar or Ziploc bag for your breakfasts/snacks. Homemade granola offers perhaps one of the best effort to long-lasting deliciousness ratio out there.
6. Pick a physical activity which you don’t absolutely hate, so you can do it regularly. (Or at least find a podcast you love which makes jogging bearable.)
7. Delete phone numbers in your contacts list which you know you should no longer be texting while drunk or answering calls from.
8. Donate a little bit of your time to doing something for the good of society — even if it just means picking up a little bit of trash that you see and throwing it in a recycling bin, or starting a compost, or making a lunch for the homeless in your neighborhood once in a while. Focus on making the first step towards being more useful with your time.
9. Forgive someone you’ve been holding a grudge against long after they’ve apologized.
10. Decide what you actually want sexually, and start making an effort to communicate it effectively to your partners, instead of living in disappointment.
11. Stop watching terrible reality shows that you know only make you more of a shallow, simple person.
12. Go to see more movies alone on weekend afternoons, especially ones which make you cry and/or feel way too many #feelings.
13. Forgive yourself for dating people who were wrong for you, even if you knew they were wrong for you from the get-go, even if they ended up breaking your heart.
14. Take a chance on a date you normally wouldn’t accept, just to see where it might go and learn a bit more about what you like and don’t like.
15. Remind yourself often of how young you actually are and how much you have ahead of you.
16. Have crepes with Nutella and bananas and/or strawberries for breakfast once in a while. (If you haven’t done this yet, your entire body hates you and you just don’t know it.)
17. Eat lunch in the park, instead of at your desk or in a crowded restaurant, whenever you get the chance.
18. Learn how to do minor repairs on your clothes, such as replacing buttons or fixing a small tear, and keep a needle and thread with you when traveling or going somewhere important. You never know when you might need it.
19. Dance more by yourself in your room, to whatever absurd music you like to listen to when you’re alone.
20. Sing louder in the shower.
21. Accept that, in many situations, you are going to be the one who ends up loving more, loving longer, and loving more painfully. Know that this doesn’t make you a bad or faulty person.
22. Start being more selective about your online presence, and to whom you give the privilege of learning your stories.
23. Send handwritten cards to thank people for things, instead of just a thank-you email. Taking a moment for a handwritten card truly make all the difference when it comes to saying thanks, and makes people feel like you really appreciated them.
24. Make a concerted effort to remind yourself of the parts of your body you like, and what you can do to treat your body better and make it more energetic.
25. Don’t saddle yourself with unreasonable expectations about what you’re going to be able to accomplish or sustain over the course of one year, but push yourself to make the small, doable steps towards your goals.
26. Don’t judge your success or your failure over the course of the year by your waistline.
27. Be honest with yourself about which friends are not challenging or encouraging you in the right ways, and which friends may even be bringing you down or preventing you from doing the things you want to do.
28. Remind yourself to be proud of your accomplishments, even if you’re not used to congratulating yourself or savoring your accomplishments.
29. Keep the plans you make with your friends, even if it means going out of your way. Understand that a time when most of you are unmarried, independent, child-free, and within drivable distance of one another is something which will not come again in life, and take all the advantage of it you can.— Chelsea Fagan, 29 Ways To Make 2013 Better (via maddasahatterr)